i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
