She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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