I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
