You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
