yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
