What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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