i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
