someone threw a dead crab at me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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