forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
