My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
