i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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