why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
