i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
