At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
