May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
