So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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