Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
as a side note pls kill me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
