I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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