I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
