mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
