He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
