I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she woke up with a sticky ear
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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