remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
