Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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