how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
