He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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