Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
