Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
