Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
