his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
