So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
