sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
