can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
