If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
