Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
