You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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