Barsexuality is the new black.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
