Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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