Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
