i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
