tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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