Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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