I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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