my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
