DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Say something about gay babies.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
