Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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