you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
