I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Randomize
