I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
