It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
