She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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