thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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