you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
